Who is SoYoung?

Who is So-young?

Challenge and change, I always flutter with these words. These words are the key words that speak for me. My name is So-young, Shin. I love my name, especially, when I write my name in English, because its pronunciation same with ‘so young’ that meaning is young. I feel passion in my name, but, I’m not satisfied with the meaning of my name which is white flower. It is completely a meaning of girl name. It is too weak and not enough to speak for my personality and my dream.

If I express my life to use a word, it is “challenge”. I experience comparatively many kinds of life. When I was young, my family circumstance was not good. My parents were always busy for their works. So my brother and I should be brought up by my grandparents from 4 to 10. But I never felt lonely, the reason why my grandmother always good take care of me like mom. When I was 6, my grandfather’s health went bad, so I moved to a village where is remote from town. I was brought up in the little county village from 6 to 10, I went a small elementary school, there is just one class for each grade, and the total students of the school are under 100, there are just 2 friends in my village. There is a so remote village. Even there was not a supermarket. Until I was 10, I had not ever studied. I just played outside all day long. I lived with nature. It is the special method of my grandmother’s education. Although I didn’t do the early education, I learned the great love and faith from my grandmother. I always really thanks for the happiness time when I was in a small village with my grandmother. It was very memorable experience in my life.

When I was 11, I came from a little country village to Seoul. At the first time, the new city, a new house, new environment, new school and new friends, all of things are strange, all of new conditions make me so stressful, in truth, I usually met my parents just once a month, so I felt unusual when the first time I live with my parents. It is a very sad story. It probably is a unique experience. I lived in Yeongdeungpo-gu for four years, and then I moved to Mok-dong when I was 15, because my mother wanted that I go to better school for studying. I graduated Wolchon middle school in Mok-dong. The students who went the school are very smart and the school’s exam has a high level. The school life was very tough. I couldn’t follow them if I didn’t go to several kinds of academies. I went a general academy, but I need to go to five extracurricular lessons for follow the academy class. In truth, I don’t have any memorable things during my middle school life. I just was used to go to school, academies, and a reading room. I leaded meaningless life. In my last winter vacation when I was 16, I was going to extracurricular lessons for high school courses as usual, but suddenly I was stifling, I couldn’t endure the environment and the life without meaning and passion. I never thought about the question: “who am I?” as soon as I realized that I desired to change my life, I put into action, and, after 2 weeks, I left from Korea.

Studying abroad is not a study tour. I had to seriously decide to the choice. But I choose the huge country, and freedom. I regretted as soon as the gate was closing in Incheon airport. I regretted at that time even though I never say the word to my parents. The first thing what I learned in China is responsibility and patience. I never called to my mother and father during 2 weeks accept a call when I arrived at school, and my parents also never give me a call during 2 weeks, we didn’t talk about it, but we did as like we promised, I’m sure my mother understood my emotion. I couldn’t speak Chinese. And I had no friends, because I told my roommates atrociously. The fist night when we arrived at school, my two roommates cried all night, but I couldn’t, I thought if I cry once, I would cry again and again when I felt sad. So I didn’t. However, the second night, they cried again, it make me sad too, so I turned on light and told them, “Why did you come here? You came to China to cry every night? If you want to cry all night, go to bathroom.” I didn’t want to say like that, I also wanted to cry, I also didn’t sleep all night, and actually I understood them, but I acted as I was strong. After the night, I loosed my friends. I had to hug them, instead of shouting. I didn’t know because of I was so young. I didn’t talk anybody, not only my roommates, but also all of schoolmates during 3 weeks. After few months, I was so sick, I had a headache and fever, and I couldn’t eat anything during 10 days, I loosed 4kg of weight. At that time my roommates took care of me a lot, one night, I have a high fever, although I can’t speak any word because of I was so sick, I faintly saw my roommates was crying, and I cried too. Though the time, my personality was changed a lot. I first talked to other people and greeting, and I made many Korean and Chinese friends, my Chinese ability also developed a lot. I don’t know exactly, what made me changed, but the change made me so happy. After 1 year, I move to Shanghai from Tianjin. Although I didn’t want to separate with my friends, I wanted to see modern China and bigger world. Actually, I met my best friend and teacher in Shanghai and the time is my most happiness time in my life. Developed world, good school, travels, and new experience, I spend beautiful time in Shanghai for 1 year and 6 month. Then I went back to Tianjin for prepare the university entrance exam. I live in apartment alone, but I was so familiar with my Chinese teacher, she usually slept in my home Monday to Thursday. It was very interesting and helpful time to me. I leaned many Chinese cultures from her. After 6 month, I moved to Beijing to go to professional academy which is prepared to enter the university. Almost of all students go to the Academy September, but I didn’t want to separated with my teacher, I went the academy on December, I had have an entrance exam on may, I had to study hard, but I studied in the highest class, so I never thought I couldn’t go to Qinghwa university, but I couldn't. In the morning, when I had graduate ceremony, I heared the unbelievable new in the hair salon.I didn’t cry, because I didn’t believe it. The day I have a graduate speech at ceremony, actually I didn’t have any memorize about the day. And I couldn’t go back to Korea. I stayed 3 more days at hotel with my mom, because I was so sick.

As I told in the above, my teenager period was not perfect, I was lonely, and I was hurt a lot, and I failed. After I came back to Korea, I hung out a lot, because I suffered unfairness. I never hung out in China I never was lazy. I always did my best to study, and what I could get from my victim? I planned to go to backpack travel to Japan. I went Japan for a week. And I realized that the reason is on me. Because of I didn’t look around, I always look forward, I was followed by time blindly.

January 16th, 2009, I came back to Korea from China forever and ever. I quitted university. I was not a student and also not a overseas student. I didn’t have any title in front of my name. Now I am a Newcastle student. I don’t have any the other way to give up. It is my last chance. Actually, dong-il Lee professor let me write a easy about myself, I was so worried. Because I didn’t think about the question before I joined the Newcastle program. I love the class because the class is the only time to listen to myself. Although still I don’t know who and I exactly, and I don’t know the stories which I wrote in the essay is the my identity, I know now I don’t scare challenge and change. It is my strongest point. And I will find out the perfect answer of the question “who am I?” during the semester.(August,2009)

Thank you*^^*